Nervous Breakdowns: A Woman on the Verge #1.....

continuation...I'm not sure what a "nervous breakdown" is, but I feel like I'm entering one. I'm trying so hard to be strong and make it through this, but meanwhile, I feel like my life is falling apart all around me. Being self-employed and not having disability insurance has turned my life in to total chaos. Sadly, even if I'm able to beat my illness, and live through it, I'm horribly depressed. I have zero energy. I'm extremely isolated other than my laptop. I'm lonely. I'm afraid that even if I make it through, that I'm totally broke now having spent what I had in savings on medical expenses with hundreds of thousands of dollars yet to be paid with no income coming in :-( Being self employed is good in some ways, but now, I feel as if my life might be over in more ways than one. I apologize in advance for being so down. I debated on whether or not to post this, but I felt like I needed to get it out of my system. I can't hold all of this pain inside anymore. Over the past month, I've had not only my own illness, but my mother's heart attack and stroke, Richard's suicide, the loss of my relationship with my youngest daughter, the complete loss of my income and the person that claimed to be in love with me ends the relationship in a voicemail :-(. On a side note, the Anthony Pellicano trial has been delayed until August 2007. I've been contacted by the FBI and other authorities to testify against him with his involvement with Steven Seagal and my restraining order against them. My fear is that I might not make it to finally tell my side of the story and what happened to me. I'm still angry that Seagal gets out of this with no jail time because he testified against his former mafia partners. I feel like screaming, but all I can do is cry. I just hope that if I can cry it all out that I will somehow find a way to make my life work again. That is my prayer at least. I thank you sincerely for your emotional support, without it, I don't think I could keep going. Much love,Cheryl Shuman

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